So about that gotcha week in Bulgaria...Part 3

This post continues to describe our gotcha week in Bulgaria. 

If you missed Part 1, click here to read more.
If you missed Part 2, click here to read more.



Wednesday, June 11

Ivelina discovered a new inappropriate behavior today that she could add to her tantrums (as if they needed any more intensity). I will not go into all the sensitive details here, but I knew once she did it once that it wouldn't be the last time. I was right. Wednesday was tough.

One of my fears came true. After she got calmed down from a tantrum, we decided to walk to the park. She was doing so well outside that I decided to reward her with a piece of gum (duvka). She was SO excited about the gum! Unfortunately, while out she dropped the gum on the ground and when I wouldn't allow her to pick it up and put it back in her mouth, she threw a pure living fit, as we southerners like to call it. Here we were in the crowded walking area surrounded by people while Ivelina screamed bloody murder, wallowed on the ground, and cried uncontrollably. We found a little spot where we could sit on the ground with her, and we literally had to hold her down to keep her safe. As soon as we thought she was able, we started heading back to the apartment again. Jeremy had to carry her for part of the way because she refused to walk. I just kept reminding myself that although we were getting stared at, I would never see any of these people again. We met a lady in the stairwell of our building who glared at us and spoke something to Ivelina that I'm sure was not nice. Oh, how I wish I could've spoken Bulgarian to her!

From then on, "duvka" was an issue for us it seems. We had one other episode involving gum later on in the week, and we constantly had to watch Ivelina to make sure she wasn't picking up chewed gum off streets.


Thursday, June 12

We thought we would only be doing the doctor's visit today, and then the exit interview on Friday, but we ended up with a morning appointment at the clinic to have Ivie's skin test read and an afternoon appointment at the U.S. Embassy for our exit interview.So, by the end of the day, we would be done with all our adoption requirements.

We were so hoping that the second trip to the doctor wouldn't be as traumatic as the first. Thankfully, I don't know if it was the herbal medicine or the fact that she knew what to expect, but Ivie was much calmer during her second trip to the doctor. We did not have to wait as long this time either. When the doctor started checking her arm out, she and our translator began speaking in Bulgarian and then they told us she tested positive. What?! I think Jeremy and I both felt our hearts sink. We knew that there was a chance we would have to stay in country longer if Ivelina had active TB. We were very concerned, but then our translator told us that a positive reading is normal. Apparently, all children in Bulgaria receive a TB vaccine; therefore, most of the children will test positive for TB with the skin test. We didn't know this.

The next step is to do a chest x-ray. We walked back down the stairwell to an x-ray room. I was cracking up because when we walked in the x-ray tech seemed to have just finished up a cigarette. The room reeked of smoke. Ha! We're not in NC anymore. =)  Ivelina complied just fine and stayed very still for the x-ray. I was so nervous that she would test positive again. We had to wait just long enough for me to take her to the potty, and then another doctor read the results and told us that she was clear!  Yippee! 

Now it was on to the Embassy!  Our appointment was at 1:00. This was my first time in an embassy. At first, it was very much like entering an airport. We had to go through a pretty thorough security area. I didn't take a thing in with me so that they would have less to check. The security area was almost like a separate building. Then we exited and were outside again walking toward the actual U.S. Embassy building. They gave us a number, and we sat down to wait. We had to be quiet in the waiting area. Luckily, they provided some toys and coloring things for Ivie.

At the embassy I discovered one of Ivelina's big fears: automatic bathrooms. This was the first 100% automatic bathroom she had ever been in I'm sure. I honestly didn't think a thing about it because I am used to them, but the automatic flushing toilet made Ivelina practically throw herself against the wall to get as far away from it as possible. I realized she was nervous, so I started to demonstrate the faucet for her. When I held my hands under the water, she jumped when it automatically came on. She did reluctantly try the automatic soap and water, but the dryer was a big no, no!  The hand dryer was a kind you have to put your hands down in and it senses your motion and comes on. Again, I was going to demonstrate for her first to show her how it is done, but the loud noise terrified her, so we got out of there as quickly as possible. This experience would come back to haunt me as we traversed through airport bathrooms on the way home...stay tuned for that story!

We had to wait quite a while, but when they finally called our number, the three of us walked up to a private window. We sat Ivie up on the high counter and spoke with an American lady behind the glass. She asked us how our visit had been (do you really want to know?). How long had our adoption process taken? She also asked how many times we had visited Bulgaria. She asked what our impression was of the orphanage facilities. She asked how many days we had been in Sofia. These were not at all the types of questions we were expecting!  Then we had to raise our right hands and take an oath that everything in our documentation was accurate and truthful. It was quick and easy and stress-free!

Friday, June 13

After the exit interview, all we had to do was wait to receive Ivelina's visa which would be placed in her passport. The visa was issued on Friday, but for us it was just another free day as our agency staff picked up the documentation for us.

We wanted to try to do something special today; we wanted to have a picnic in the park. Every day we had walked past this very yummy-smelling food truck that served huge slices of pizza. Jeremy had been wanting to try it, but it would've been hard for him to get three of those huge pieces and bring them back to the apartment for us. Side note: In Bulgaria, everyone eats while they walk!  There were little food trucks or walk-up to-go restaurants everywhere. Some of these places are actually underground, so from the street, you can see these little windows on a building down near the sidewalk. You order what you want from the little window. It was strange to us! I think walking while eating is how they stay so fit. No one jogs like in the States. The people seem to nibble all day long as they walk to and from where they need to go. Most of the people seemed thin and in shape too.

Ivie trying to figure out the best way to eat the pizza.

We took a blanket from the apartment, some water bottles, and a ball. I got Ivie situated in a grassy, shady low-traffic area while Jeremy went to fetch the pizza. She probably thought we were so strange for eating pizza while sitting outside on a blanket, but I thought it was divine. Th temperature was perfect. Someone was playing music in the background. The pizza was delish!  Ivelina didn't know quite how to hold the slice. I think she had a hard time biting through such a thick piece of bread too. After we ate, we played around with a little kickball for quite some time. Ivie had fun kicking, throwing, and bouncing the ball. She and Jeremy chased each other. I sat back and thought, "This is the real Ivelina." Everything seemed so normal in those moments. She seemed happy and adjusted as she ran around laughing and squealing after her Taty. I hoped I was seeing a glimpse of what she could truly be once she got past the fear, uncertainty, and confusion she was going through.

Then, we decided to brave the playground, but only the slides. They had large slides (I think they were cement) that were even big enough for adults. Jeremy and Ivelina did the slides together over and over!

We had implemented a new strategy today to help us manage certain inappropriate behaviors, and so far it seemed to be working. We had very few tantrums and very few serious behavior problems on Friday all the way up until dinner time. Then, our pleasant sweet girl switched personalities on us and began a fit in the bathroom. It was during this fit that a lady from our agency arrived with all of our documentation. (Err...they really had terrible timing on this trip!) So when they came in our apartment Ivelina was half-naked, wild, and I was in tears. She tried to help us get Ivie calmed down and under control, but even her best efforts in Bulgarian weren't enough. Poor Ivie! We just had no idea what was going through her head and her heart. We had had such a good day together. It was almost like she realized that she had gone all day without a fit, and she was determined to get one in before bedtime..ha! Thankfully, we did get her regulated before bedtime and she fell asleep fairly quickly tonight.

Saturday, June 14

Our final full day in Bulgaria. We were actually supposed to leave for home on this day, but when we were scheduling our airfare, we found an amazing rate that would save us almost $1,000, but it was only available flying out on Sunday. So, we opted to stay an extra day just to save money.

We tried yet another new fun thing today!  At the park, some gentlemen had about 10 battery-powered cars for kids to drive around. It only cost 2 lev to rent one, and you got to drive it until the battery went dead!  We had been watching kids driving them around in the park all week, but we didn't know how Ivie would handle it. On this final day, we decided to try it!  

 She loved "driving," but she obviously had never done it before. She never quite got the hang of steering and pushing the gas pedal at the same time. Taty had to do a lot of steering for her or she would've run over people!

I also started packing on Saturday. I packed Ivie's little pink backpack with her baby dolls, headphones, toiletries, and snacks. We left some toys and food behind donating them to the apartment for the next family that stayed there.

We were wondering if it would be a good idea to tell Ivelina about the airplane tonight or just wait and let her see tomorrow, but our translator said it was good to prepare her. So, right before bedtime we told her we would be going on a "somalette" the next day. We pulled up some You Tube videos of kids on planes too. We told her she would have a toilet on the plane and a seat and TV and breakfast, lunch, and dinner. She immediately showed signs of fear/stress, (lots of rocking, crying, nervous twitches) so we wondered if we made a good choice to talk with her about the plane.


Sunday, June 15

Finally, it was time to leave. We like Bulgaria, but we were so tired and weary and ready to get home. My brain hurt from trying so hard to juggle two languages for 11 days (a good reminder of what Ivelina would feel like once we left her country). We woke up Sunday morning at 5:00a.m. for our driver to pick us up and take us to the Sofia airport.

Ivelina was pretty much okay until our translator arrived. She came up to help us carry our bags down and tried to speak with Ivelina in Bulgarian about what was happening. Ivelina was scared. When we got downstairs to the car, it was a different car than we had been in, and she though the car was the airplane!  She was crying and whining and having a fit while our translator tried her best to drive. She continued this same extremely loud nervous, anxious, fearful behavior in the parking deck and in the airport check-in desk.

Finally it came time to head up the big escalators toward security. It was time to say good-bye to our friend from our Bulgarian agency. I was very scared myself. I just knew Ivie's behavior would get worse and worse. She was already scared, security would be scarier, and then the actual plane-- I didn't even want to think about it.

Surprisingly, once our translator was gone, Ivie actually quietened a bit. We found out quickly that escalators freaked her out, so for the rest of our trip home it was stairs for us! Security was so crowded. Ivelina kept reaching out trying to touch everyone and everything that was near her. This was difficult to manage.

When we finally got to our gate, we had plenty of time. So, we sat and Jeremy went to get us a snack. He came back with the most delicious doughnuts and juice! At this point, I was still a little scared of being left alone with her in public. I had to watch our bags, keep an eye on where our money and sensitive documents were, plus keep Ivie somewhat quiet and close to me. Ahh!  I was probably just overreacting and being a worry-wart, but the crowded airports were incredibly stressful for me. After eating we tried out the public restrooms, which she was very suspicious of. She did ok. Whew! Then, we had to catch a bus out to our plane. I thought security and the gate area were packed! This little bus was standing room only. Ivie was squished between Jeremy and some random stranger. I holding onto a pole with my face right in some stranger's stinky armpit.

Finally, the dreaded plane to Rome. I had no idea what to expect. Ivie had calmed some, but I suspected that when the roar of those engines started she would be a mess. She and Jeremy sat in the row behind me and a Bulgarian man. Ivie had the window seat. Thank goodness, much to my surprise, she actually liked the plane!!  She looked out the window. She liked it when a snack and drink were served too. We flew from Sofia to Rome. The descent was one of the worst I have been through. There were clouds galore, and the plane just rocked and shifted and dropped continuously for 30 minutes. I was gripping my seat and holding my breath, trying to keep my stomach calm.

Meanwhile, my little Bulgarian was jammin' through the turbulence.

.

The pilot did finally land that bird safely in Rome. I was very glad that our layover was short because this airport was not fun for us the first time around. We found a little area where there weren't too many people, and Ivelina pretended her baby dolls were flying around like airplanes for most of the time. We had a snack. Then I decided to take Ivie to a nearby bathroom. Thanks to the traumatic automatic bathroom experience at the U.S. Embassy, she continued to be terribly skeptical of the restrooms. When I opened the door, she peered in cautiously checking out the scene. There was a line, but all seemed safe to her so she came in with me. I got her into a stall. She used the potty. I thought all was well until we opened the stall door. No one had used the hand dryer until we stepped out of our stall. The noise of the dryer stopped Ivie in her tracks. She sank down into the bathroom floor and tried to crawl back into the stall. I had ahold of her and was trying to get her to stand back up. She was in "flight" mode by then. Nothing I said or did consoled her or quietened her down! She was shrieking and screaming on the floor while everyone stared at us wondering what the heck was wrong!  I tried to pick her up, but she was making it impossible, so holding onto her hand I just drug her out. Yah, I drug her across the bathroom floor, past the dryer, with her screaming bloody murder. I just knew I had to get her out of there! Once we were out of the bathroom she was immediately ok. Jeremy had heard the commotion from all the way over where he was sitting with our luggage. Now, I was really stressed out!! After that display of fear, I was worried about getting her to use another public bathroom ever again! Could she hold it all the way home?!

Next, I worked on getting our seats switched around because the airline had Ivie sitting 8 rows ahead of us. We were so blessed that they were able to get all three of us seated together, and we got the front row!!  You know, the one with all the leg room and no seats in front of you! I was thrilled!

Here we are in our awesome front row seats. I look rough because I woke up with a busted blood vessel in my eye. It was all bloody, plus I was stressed and worn out. Ivelina was in the middle of rocking back and forth, so she couldn't manage a smile for the photo.

This plane was huge, and the flight was very smooth. The food was not kid-friendly at all, so Ivie didn't eat much except the snacks we brought with us. Ivie loved getting a blanket to cover up her legs (she still loves having a blanket on her at all times). Although we each had our own TV to watch, Ivelina wasn't interested. I thought she would sleep, but no, she didn't. At one point, I even gave her a little children's Benadryl tablet to help make her tired, but she still didn't sleep any more than 30 minutes. She rocked. For hours, she has this circular rhythm that she rocked back and forth in her seat. At times, she would add a little repetitive vocalization to the rocking. We thought we would go insane just watching her. (This is a typical orphanage habit, but it was very pronounced on the plane).

This was a super long flight. At some point, it should've been a new day for us, but since we were flying with the time zones on the way back, it felt like time was standing still. My body was screaming for sleep, but I can't sleep on planes normally and especially not with a rocking 8 year old next to me. It was torture to be so tired and not be able to sleep!

We flew straight to Charlotte, NC. That last hour on the plane was terrible. We wanted off so badly that I wished I could parachute out of there! Then, once we were on the ground my excitement sank when we had to wait in a long line of planes to get up to the terminal. That front row seat became another huge blessing as we entered the airport and were the very first people through immigration. I had heard from other adoptive families that the immigration procedure in Charlotte was terribly long. I didn't quite know what to expect, but I was prepared for another long torturous wait. We handed our precious envelope of adoption documents to the immigration officer, and he handed us a card with a number on it. We proceeded to the next check-point and handed the card to the officer. He told us to walk down this particular hallway. We waited for like 5 minutes until the next immigration officer motioned us over. He asked about our trip and about Ivelina. He took her fingerprint and tried to talk to her. Al the while, she was going behind his desk trying to show him her baby doll. We were with him for only about 10 minutes. He gave us clearance, and we were off to get our bags!  Easy peasy!

Ivelina touched every. single. bag. that passed by on the conveyor belt. She waved at every nearby person, saying "drasti" (she didn't quite realize that no one around her knew what she was saying). Part of me was SO happy that no one knew what she was saying. At least if she chattered something inappropriate, we wouldn't get mean looks.

We hit that incredibly humid NC air as we stepped outside, and we had to wait to catch a bus back to our parking lot. This little 10-15 minute wait was stressful because Ivie was once again picking up gum from the sidewalks and putting it in her mouth. Our hands were full of luggage; it was so hard to keep a handle on her.

We got our car, and there was a little friend waiting in Ivie's seat.

She was excited to see her novia igrachki "new toy" because there had been a photo in her photo album of Mickey sitting on her new bed. I think she remembered him. We got her loaded up and started our drive home. I sat in the back seat with Ivie. Much to my surprise, she slept almost all the way home. Even a little fire cracker like her will sleep after being awake for over 24 hours (i think?)

When we got home, my mom and sister and niece had filled our pantry and fridge with fresh food and they were waiting on us to arrive!

This is Ivelina meeting my 10 year old niece for the very first time. My family didn't stay long, but it was so nice to see them.

We had made it. We survived gotcha week. It was not all the rainbows and butterflies I thought it would be. It was grueling. But we got our girl. I am happy to say to future adoptive parents out there that it gets better. Gotcha week is incredibly stressful mentally, physically, and emotionally. You will probably say and do things out of stress that you will regret. You will probably think already by Day 2 that you have just ruined all hopes for attachment with your child. You may feel guilty. You may feel inadequate. You will need forgiveness. You will need your spouse or travel companion. Just remember that God's grace is new every morning. Tap into that. If you are like me, you will need it. My constant prayer was "Lord forgive me. I can't do this without You. I don't have enough love or patience. It has to come from you. Please give me an extra dose of these things and help me love my daughter well." And I do-- I love her to pieces!


I hope you enjoyed reading our gotcha story. Yah, I know it was long...kuddos if you actually read everything in all three posts! If you have any other questions about gotcha week in Bulgaria or just general adoption questions, leave a comment below! I read them all and answer as I am able.

Thanks for reading,

-Shelly

Our silly girl now at almost two months home   =)

So about that gotcha week in Bulgaria....Part 2

If you missed Part 1, read more here!

This part of the story may be surprising to some readers. Many adoptive families, me included, really look forward to gotcha week and hope and dream that it is a beautiful time to spend together in your child's birth country. Gotcha week is what we worked two years for after all! I really never expected the week to be so hard. I never expected to have such a difficult time loving my daughter. I had read so much, prayed so much, watched so many DVD's, and read so many blogs that I really thought I was prepared. Not so. Honestly, gotcha week was the most challenging week of my life! Being a mom is hard. Being a mom to an 8 year old who has only known institutional life is harder. Add an additional dose of jet lag and being in an unfamiliar country with no support system nearby and being a mom is even harder. Please know that I love my little girl, and things are exponentially better now, but gotcha week was grueling. Here we go!

Friday, June 6

After that first restless night with our daughter, we were frazzled to say the least. Because we had not arrived back at the capitol in time the previous day, today was the day that we needed to go apply for Ivelina's passport and get her photo made. This had to be done at the police department. We were so ready to get out of the apartment, and it had only been one day!

A staff member from our NGO picked us up in the morning and we made the short drive to the PD. The whole process was very quick.  We stepped into a little cramped cubicle type thing. Our translator had all the necessary paperwork. Ivelina sat in front of a little camera and had her photo made. The end. We were back at our apartment in no time with instructions that we would have free time until the passport was ready (possibly Monday but more likely Tuesday).  Ick! 3-4 more days of staying in our apartment trying to wrangle a wild, confused, scared little girl who was acting out and testing us like crazy!  Not our idea of a fun weekend at all. We just kept wondering why the country couldn't organize this trip more efficiently where we weren't just hanging around with so much dead time.

So, we did the best we could to keep busy in the apartment. And with so much down time, we were very thankful to be in an apartment where we had more room as opposed to a small hotel room.

 We watched way too much Animal Planet.

 We played everything we could possibly think of with baby dolls: dressing them, bathing them, bandaging them up, feeding them, and putting them to bed, etc. I thought I would go insane from baby doll overdose!

Play Doh was a hit too. Ivelina preferred for us to make things for her, but in this photo she had whipped up some zakuska (breakfast) for her dolls.

Jeremy gave me respite by taking Ivelina out by himself for a walk every now and then so I could shower in peace, clean the apartment, and have some computer time. I gave him some respite by watching Ivelina in the apartment while he walked to get groceries or pick up food at a restaurant for us. These moments of alone time were golden.

Saturday, June 7

We Skyped with my sister in the morning. Her name was easy for Ivie to pronounce, so every time we used the computer she would ask for my sister by name. Skype caused her to get a little hyper, so we kept it short. It was nice to have a connection to home though. 

We decided to venture to the park today. I was so nervous to take her in public during our pick-up week. Maybe it was jut this new mom overreacting.  Ivelina came to us with a bad nervous habit of giving the middle finger to random people and objects. I was worried she would do this as we walked on the busy streets. She was also constantly chattering in Bulgarian, and we had no idea if she was saying something inappropriate or not. She was also having lots of tantrums in the apartment, and I worried she would have one out in the park. Our gal was having bathroom issues too, so I worried about not being near a public restroom and her having accidents. I was unsure of how she would play with other kids on the playground, so we steered clear of that. Every time we went out, it just felt risky and nerve-racking for me. Still, it did us all some good to walk and get some fresh air. We went on 2-3 walks to the park every day! We made the walks just a little longer each day. We tried just one new thing at a time when we went out.  We just weren't at all sure what and how much stimulation Ivie could handle.

 This was a conche (horse) ride at the park.

 This is a somolette (airplane) ride with Taty as the pilot and baby in tow.

The three of us sitting in a shady spot, people watching. We did almost every time we out. Ivelina was fascinated as she watched baby strollers, boys, girls, and people walking dogs. The park was a very busy place- great for watching people!

Sunday, June 8

More of the same. Battling tantrums. TV, lots of eating, lots of baby doll play, and lots of walks to the park. We were lucky that the weather was lovely. Sunny every day with temperatures in the 80's. I don't know what we would have done if it was yucky weather and we couldn't get outside! What a blessing that we had our gotcha trip in the warm summer months. We also Skyped with Baba Gran on Sunday (Jeremy's Mom). Ivelina loved it, but got pretty worked up too.

Monday, June 9

We were so hoping this would be the day that Ivelina's passport was issued. We actually thought this would be an American passport, but it was a Bulgarian passport with a special visa inside that would allow her to enter the U.S. as a citizen.  We were getting reeeaaallly tired of all the down time. The night before we had another bad bedtime experience. Here's an excerpt from an email I sent our family:

It's 12:30 a.m. right now.  We just finished up a lovely 3 hour bedtime tantrum....if you want to call it that.  Let me just say Ivelina has pee on her hands. I have her pee on my pants. She is asleep in only her shirt. All her pillows and blankets + her underwear and pants are scattered on the floor of the bedroom. And I smell like BO.  Do they make mom deodorant?  If so I need some because by the end of a tantrum I smell like a horse.

The day kept creeping by with no word from our agency. Finally, we called on the special cell phone they gave us. They told us that, unfortunately, the passport would not be ready until Tuesday. Someone from our agency would go pick it up, and then we would all head straight to the medical clinic for Ivelina's exam and TB skin test. We were a little disappointed, but at least we knew all this would take place on Tuesday!

Overall, Monday was a good day.  Ivelina had a few minor meltdowns, but we could already see glimpses of her learning how to self-regulate a little better today. We also decided to let her try the big potty today instead of the little training potty she had been using. She climbed right up there like she had used a big flushing toilet before; we were thrilled! No more washing out that little potty 50 times a day!  Yay!  Bedtime was better tonight too. We learned that no snacks or drinks after dinner helped her be a little more calm and ready for sleep.  Also, we really tried to wear her out during the day, so she would be nice and tired at night. The girl is a little ball of energy!


Tuesday, June 10

No photos from today. We should get an extra gold star in our crowns for the fact that we even survived this day. We did get Ivie's passport, and we got her medical exam and TB skin test out of the way!  Yay for completing these important steps in the adoption process. That's about all that was good about the day though. We hopped from tantrum to tantrum all day long.

We were expecting our translator to pick us up around lunch time. In the morning, we went out for our early walk as usual but we didn't even make it to the park because Ivelina could not control her behavior. So, back to the apartment we went and played around inside with a few mini-meltdowns thrown in until lunch time.

After lunch, something trivial set Ivie off and we were in the middle of a fit when our phone rang. Our ride was waiting downstairs. Terrible timing!  So, we wrestled her shoes on and holding both hands managed to get her down three flights of stairs. She was out-of-control in the car; even our translator couldn't calm her down. Then, when she was told that we were going to a doctor, she became even more hysterical (I didn't think that was possible, but oh was I wrong).

The clinic was a multi-level, crowded building with a narrow stair case leading up and down. Our translator guided us all up two flights...boy, Ivelina's wailing really echoed in that stairwell.  It was all very confusing. Parents and children were sitting in the hallways. We stepped into some kind of tiny play room that was really only big enough for us. Ivelina was hysterical, soaked from sweat, and extremely loud. Evidently, someone complained and a staff person asked our translator to make us wait outside. She said this was very rude for someone to ask us to do this, but really I was grateful. We walked to little shady bench outside. Ivelina was just as loud, just as uncontrollable but at least we had fresh air. After some time we went back inside and back up the stairs. More waiting outside of the doctor's door. Then, when we finally got in the examination room, Ivie settled somewhat. She knew the injection was coming. After all that build up and all that wailing, she didn't even cry when the doctor administered the skin test.  Go figure!

The doctor prescribed us an anti-anxiety herbal medicine to give Ivie for Thursday when we would have to come back to the office and also for the plane. We had never seen her in this state. It's hard to describe. You just had to be there. At one point we thought she was going to pass out. We did opt to fill the prescription mostly because we had no idea how she would react on the plane ride home. We definitely didn't want more of that kind of behavior for a nine hour flight home! We actually started her on the medicine right away hoping it would calm her a bit during normal daily activities too, but I'm not sure we could really tell much of a difference.

Our bedtime routine in the apartment went well, but as soon as we all hit the bed everything fell apart. Ivelina basically "tantrummed" herself to sleep. After the day we had just had, it was more than I thought I could handle.

It's hard to describe how emotionally, physically, and mentally drained I was during this part of the week. I'm thankful for other adoptive moms who reached out online and encouraged me that week. I needed it. Satan was stealing my joy, and I was letting him! Jeremy and I were so discouraged, so dejected, and even though we had only had Ivie for a few days, I really felt like a total failure as a mom. I was having such a hard time loving Ivelina. I felt guilty for that. She has been through so much, and Satan obviously wasn't happy that she was no longer an orphan. Another adoptive mom reminded me of this, and I began to see how our tough week could really be spiritual warfare in action. Jeremy's mother reminded us that he and I have each other and Jesus while Ivelina probably feels like she has no one at all. That thought saddened me so much!  No wonder she was displaying such wild, confusing, and difficult behaviors!

Now, we would have two free days, and then Friday would be the day for our exit interview at the embassy. Stay tuned for part 3 where I will describe the embassy experience and our last few days in our daughter's birth country.

I'll leave you with one final shot of me and Ivie at the park.  Of course, baby doll is pictured too!


Thanks for reading,
-Shelly

So about that gotcha week in Bulgaria... Part 1

Yes, we have been home with Ivelina for over a month now, and, no, I have not blogged about our pick-up trip. I'm past that trip now. My mind is on different things, new challenges, and joyous progress with our daughter, but I know I have several readers who prayed for our trip. I also know that I have always been blessed by reading the experiences of those who are just a little ahead of us in the adoption process. So, I feel like I need to write about our pick-up week in Bulgaria. That trip already seems like a lifetime ago, but luckily, I have a journal and the daily email updates to my family that can help me remember what the week was like.

So, here it goes. This is our experience with pick-up week:

Tuesday, June 3

Depart for Charlotte, NC. An 1.5 hour drive for us, but the journey was smooth and we arrived at the airport in plenty of time. Security was easy-peasy, and we called all of our family members one final time when we arrived at our gate. We shared one large check bag, and packed another large check bag for Ivelina full of clothes, toys, and snacks. Jeremy and I both carried our back packs w/wheels on the plane and my "personal item" was a little pink backpack for Ivelina (the same one we took to the orphanage every day in January). I couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to see her pulling it through the airports on the way back home. Honestly, it was impossible for me to imagine the two of us becoming three at this point.

Wednesday, June 4

We lucked out with only two flights for this trip. We flew directly from Charlotte, NC to Rome. We had quite a layover there...5 hours! Our flight with United Airlines was full and we were stuck right in the middle of the row. In usual fashion, I absolutely cannot sleep on a plane, so I passed the time by eating and watching movies. I was so completely exhausted when we arrived, and the Rome airport is the most uncomfortable airport I have ever been in. We searched around for anything that resembled a place to rest. There are no benches, no lounge chairs, no seats without armrests. I even would have slept on the floor if there would've been some carpet somewhere. There weren't even any padded chairs. So, I was pretty crabby during our layover. We did grab a little piece of pizza and chatted with a nice lady from the States while we waited.

Later we flew another few hours to Sofia, BG arriving around 6pm. A man from our NGO staff was there to pick us up. He drove us to our apartment. We were glad it was the same one we stayed in during our first trip in January. That was at least a bit of familiarity. All my body really longed to do was crash, but we made ourselves walk to the grocery store to stock up on some food for the week. We got some fresh fruits and veggies, soup mix, bread, Nutella, jam, cheese, yogurt, and bottled water. Then, we decided to enjoy one last dinner out just the two of us. I still don't think it had really dawned on me that in just a few hours, we'd have Ivie in our custody and she would be ours. I was excited, but too tired to really process the whole experience. I was also a little sad. I have loved the almost eight years with just Jeremy and me. He's my best friend. So, I think during this dinner out I was also grieving a bit as well.

Then, it was time to get our apartment ready for Ivelina. We put all the food away. Hid all the snacks on a high shelf, hid the medicines, put her toys in a cabinet, and created a sleeping arrangement. After moving some furniture, here's what we came up with:

Thursday, June 5

This was gotcha day for us!  I had all kinds of high hopes for the day! We left our apartment at 6:30 a.m. and made the almost 6 hour drive to Shumen and then to our daughter's Village of Drumev. It was cold and rainy that day. I was worried about not having packed appropriate attire for Ivie. We thought it was going to be hot, so basically all we brought with us were summer clothes.

The sights looked familiar to me as we had already made the same trek twice back in January. Everything was much greener this time round though. We took her backpack filled with several changes of clothes, some pull-ups, snacks, a water bottle, and a new baby doll. I had plans to take lots of photos of the staff there. I wanted to get a group shot of Ivelina with all her care takers. I wanted to try again to get a photo of the bathrooms and her bedroom at her orphanage. (In January, they were pretty guarded with me about taking photos inside the facility.) They told her in January that we would bring her a dress when we came back. It was chilly and rainy, but I brought a dress anyway excited to get her dressed all cute for our first day together. I also brought a pad of stationary and a bunch of pens. I wanted to ask any of her caretakers that wanted to write Ivelina a note that we could keep for her. My plan was to ask my Bulgarian friend back home to translate the note into English on the back. Then, I was going to keep the notes in a scrap book for Ivelina to enjoy in the years to come. I also had about 20 additional questions written in my notebook that I wanted to be sure to ask the director.

We drove through Shumen and then started down the narrow curvy steep road to her village. As we passed the village sign, I felt my stomach getting all nervous. This was happening. Today. No turning back. In about 5 minutes we would be arriving at Kalinka Home for Children with Mental Delay. Would she be waiting for us at the door?  Would she remember us? How long would we have together at the orphanage? Would she cry when she had to say goodbye? Would she even understand what was going on?

Before I knew it we were being ushered inside. It was raining the day we left her in January, and it was raining when we returned. As we stepped in the entry way my eyes were darting down the halls looking for Ivelina. It was quiet. Where were all the other children? At school maybe?  It was a little after lunch time by the time we arrived. I couldn't hear Ivelina at all. Me, Jeremy, our translator, the director, and two workers crammed ourselves into her tiny office. We sat on a little uncomfortable couch. Everyone was talking in Bulgarian. They all seemed rushed. Our translator had already told us we needed to hurry because it would already be late when we got back to Sofia. They were exchanging paperwork and chattering in Bulgarian. Then, more workers crammed into the room.

I managed to ask if Ivelina had been healthy since January. She had been. I asked about her birthday that was just a week prior. They said she was asking where her present from us was.  So sad!  I hate that she had no gift from her mama and taty on her 8th birthday. They said she had looked at her photo book every day (the one we left for her with pictures of us). They said she definitely remembered us and was waiting for us.

All of a sudden, a worker + Ivelina burst into the office. She was wild-eyed and looked SO different! Her short hair looked kinda crazy. Someone had put it in a bunch of tiny ponytails. She was dressed in a long-sleeve shirt under a denim dress with a puffy vest over that and leggings with new black shoes. The worker told her to sit with us and she kind of collapsed on top of me. She was grabbing at the potted plants and kicking, squirming, and well just plain wild. Of course, she was carrying a baby doll.

From this point on, I was just so consumed with checking her out, hugging her, and keeping her under control that all my best laid plans fell by the wayside. I never even got my camera out. Then the director was having us sign some stuff. And another worker was reviewing all the things that Ivelina was taking with her. We had to sign a paper listing all the items she left the facility with. I was shocked by this because I was under the impression that she would leave with nothing. However, she had her toothbrush and a container of toiletries, she had a baby doll, a stuffed animal, some school work, a few clothes, and the outfit she was wearing.

Then, our translator said it was time to go. Before I knew it we were outside and the moment for goodbye's had come. Then, I panicked because I hadn't taken a single photo!  And I didn't hand out the stationary! We quickly snapped a few (bad) photos on the front stoop. Jeremy shot about 10 seconds of video of Ivelina hugging all the caretakers. She was wild and looked angry in every single photo. Not what I had imagined. She was ready to get in the car and go!

As we climbed in the car, I was really let down. I was mad at myself for not documenting the experience better. This was our gotcha day, and we didn't have a good photo or video of the experience. Moreover, I didn't get any additional information, I didn't get the letters, and I only asked like two of my questions from my list!

The whole experience was just simply overwhelming and rushed. Nothing went as I had planned, but we got her anyway.

The car ride back was long. She was wild, but did a lot better in the car than I thought. She loved the new baby doll we gave her. And she loved to watch us draw pictures of things she liked (babies, pacifiers, bottles, etc) When we got back to the apartment, the first thing we did was feed her. Mashed potatoes was all we fed her for this first meal. We were worried that her tummy might be upset from all the stress and changes, and we thought something bland was best.

I bathed her...kind of...she was screaming the whole time so I had to cut that short. In Bulgaria neighbors can call the cops if your child is crying too loudly for very long. We were paranoid about this all week. I got her in her PJ's and she brushed her teeth with taty.

When it was time for bed, she went with no fussing. She climbed right into her little bed and got under the covers. We hugged and kissed. I thought, "wow, is this too good to be true?" Turns out it was. Once we were all in bed and lights were turned down, her behavior was turned up. Three hours later, we arranged everything so that we could literally hold her in the bed. Another hour of squirming around and she was asleep. I was so worked up; nerves, stress, fatigue, frustration, & jet-lag were getting the best of me. Then, I only slept two hours! It was rough, and we were filled with doubts and fears. Will she do this every night? Is it always going to be this bad? Did we make a big mistake?

Stayed tuned for Part 2 where I will write about our next few days in country as we finished up all the requirements for our adoption.