Book Review: Castaway Kid

I haven't posted a book review on here in quite some time, but this one deserves a little shout-out.

My mom is a crazy-avid reader and devours books quicker than anyone I know.  She had collected a few good ones for me to read during our first looong flight to Bulgaria.  I opened this one just to take a peek, and became completely hooked after reading the first page. I couldn't save it for the flight; instead I finished it this week!

Castaway Kid is a memoir written by Rob Mitchell as he retells the story of his childhood as a kid who was cast off into the "system." Basically, Rob was placed in an orphanage at the age of three and aged out of the U.S orphanage system as a teenager. The story is true, although that's hard to believe as you read the horrible memories of his childhood experiences.

For those of us in the adoption community, we have read about the grim outcomes for children who age out of the social system in any country. The statistics are not good for the survival of most of these unfortunate children.  They are vulnerable to prostitution, child trafficking, mental illness, drug use, suicide, and early death.  All these issues are addressed in this novel, but Rob is a child who actually survives despite his unfortunate experiences.  You will cry as you read his heartbreaking story.

As an adoptive mother, this book really helped me better understand some of the orphan behaviors we have been warned about and prepared for in our adoption education classes. A few behaviors included in this story are difficulties with trust, manipulation, rage, aggression, abuse to animals, self-soothing behaviors (rocking), bullying, and bed-wetting. This story allows the reader to get inside the author's head at different ages during his childhood; this really helped me understand the "why" behind some of the disturbing behaviors that institutionalized children sometimes exhibit.

One thing that stuck out to me after reading this book is that no matter what age Robbie (Rob) was in this novel, he was constantly asking the same questions: "Would he ever be wanted?" and "Would anyone ever love him?"  Whether Robbie was 5 years old or 25 years old, he was always longing for a place to call his home and someone to accept him. 

I have often wondered if Ivelina will be sad about leaving her caretakers and friends at the orphanage she has called home for seven years. We have wondered if she will be mad at us for removing her from her culture and her familiar surroundings, but this story encouraged me to remember that the most important thing for any child is to know the love of a family, to have a safe and dependable place to call home, and to know that they belong in God's family and in their earthly family. These were the things that little Robbie always lacked and always desired for himself. He asserted that it would be better to be homeless and destitute but belong to someone who loved him than to have all the material goods in the world yet have no one who wanted him.

I highly encourage every adoptive parent to read this book! It would be great for moms and dads alike. This book has its disturbing and very sad moments, but I also think it would be appropriate for teens. It could definitely help them understand life from the different perspective of someone who did not grow up with the privilege of a family. The latter half of the book has strong Christian themes, so it could even be used in Christian discussion groups.

Castaway Kid costs about $11 on Amazon and the Kindle edition is $9.99, but you can get used copies much cheaper!  I hope you all enjoy this wonderful adoption story!

Thanks for reading,
-Shelly

Book Review ~ The Connected Child

A good friend at our church, who also happens to be in the adoption process, gave us this book right after Christmas.  She and her husband had the opportunity to attend the Empowered to Connect conference in 2012, and they claim it was life-changing.  The founder/leader, Dr. Karen Purvis, is an expert on helping adopted, at-risk children with traumatic backgrounds cope with their challenges and connect to their new family members.  This book is written by Dr. Purvis, and, I have to admit, her parenting advice for at-risk children is so simple yet SO life-changing.

THE CONNECTED CHILD:  By Dr. Karen Purvis

• Discipline is the one thing I feel most clueless about when it comes to how we are going to raise our soon-to-be-adopted child.  I know there are countless discipline methods out there, and I've known all along that disciplining, correcting, teaching an older adopted child needs to be approached differently than say how me or my husband were disciplined or corrected as children.  Until reading this book, I wouldn't have had any tools or knowledge on where to start!  Well, Dr. Purvis' advice on parenting is simple, doable, and really common-sense when you think about it.  Any adoptive family looking for some fresh ideas on how to help your child connect to your family should read this book!
• The challenge for me is that I know I will want to spoil my child rotten.  I'll know the bleak place where he or she came from, and I know I will want to give him everything in the world.  I would never want to discipline him or her in a way that would cause more mental, physical, or emotional scars than he may already have.  This book teaches that adopted children need discipline, they need to know that an adult is in charge, and, in fact, they are comforted by these things. 
• I love that Dr. Purvis' methods never tolerate disrespectful behavior or words from the child or parent, and I love how her methods always involve offering the child appropriate behavior choices (which are selected by the parent).  
• I love how she stresses simple ways to connect (even during a correction or teachable moment) like holding hands, maintaining eye contact, hugs, and close physical proximity.   
• I appreciate how this book addresses many neurological effects that a child's first year can have on his future years as he grows up.  There's a lot of medical/mental/physiological things that go on in a child's brain that I didn't have a clue about until reading this book.

FAVORITE TIPS & QUOTES: 

 It is me and my husband along with our child who should face the world's problems together.  We are united and should always be on the same team.

Play, Play Play!  When we as parents simply play with our child we are helping his brain develop more fully, we are helping them connect to us and build a trust fund with us, and we are presenting many positive opportunities to help them heal and gain self esteem.

 Provide "felt safety" for our child.  This is "providing an atmosphere where your children feel and experience safety for themselves."  This book goes into great detail about what this strategy looks like in practice. 

 Speak simply, using as few words as possible.  Some helpful suggested phrases are: "Use your words," Stop and breathe," "Let me see your eyes," and "Focus and finish your task."

 Use every situation to teach "life values" such as respect, using words, "no hurts", knowing who's boss, "listen & obey", and "stick together". 

 When correcting or disciplining our child, we should see these moments as opportunities for teaching our child how to live and react and function better in this world.  We should teach or show him or her how to respond better next time, and then offer him or her the opportunity for a re-do.  Choices can help the child feel more in control! They can help him or her be more successful.

Help the child know what to expect.  Describe to them what is about to happen and what they might see, hear, smell, feel during the next activity of the day.  This practice helps the child not to panic in overwhelming new situations.

This book has truly been a blessing to me; it has given me a place to start when I think about how to help my child to adjust to living as a loved member of our family.  There will no doubt be great challenges with attachment, discipline, and healing, but I now feel like I have some tools in my toolbox that I can use once that glorious day comes and we have a little one flitting around our home.

I think this book could be great for adoptive parents but also a great tool for teachers.  Being a former elementary school teacher, I know many of my students were not adopted, but they certainly had troubling, and even traumatic, backgrounds.  I can see the discipline methods suggested in this book working very well in the classroom too!

Thanks for reading,

-Shelly

You might also enjoy my reviews of:

Kisses From Katie

and

Adopted for Life

Book Review - Kisses From Katie

To see my review for Adopted For Life, click HERE. 

Out of all the books I read over Christmas break, this one was my fav.  Gah...I cannot emphasize how much this book made an impact on me.  My husband gave me Kisses From Katie as a Christmas present, and I devoured it in just a few short days.  It's a must-read for anyone who cares about living for Jesus, caring for orphans, or Christian missions.

 

KISSES FROM KATIE   -- By: Katie Davis

• This book is sort of a memoir of Katie's, partially written in journal-style; ya know with dates at the top of the entry and all.  Some of the entries are excerpts straight from Katie's blog.  (which is also an excellent read I must say)
• Katie details her call to leave her comfortable home in Tennessee, and move half way around the globe to serve the least of these in Uganda.  
• This girl is impressive, although she claims over and over in her book that she does not feel brave or special or impressive at all.  As a nineteen year old single gal, she gives up her cute car, cute clothes, nice home, promise of a college education, and her family, friends, and love of her life to take sick, needy orphaned girls into her home in Uganda.  Although she lives very poorly by the world's standards, she describes feeling rich beyond measure.   She eventually takes 13 children into her family!!
• Katie's book will make you laugh, and, if you have a heartbeat, it will most definitely make you cry.  She paints dire life and death situations in vivid detail, and she humorously describes the antics of living as a white girl among many lively African children.  
• She also illuminates the need for adoption, orphan care, and loving on people in general.  
• Again, my favorite thing about this book is that it is a book about missions-- dirty, sweaty, exhausting, rewarding Christian missions. 

FAVORITE QUOTES:

 “The truth is that the 143 million orphaned children and the 11 million who starve to death or die from preventable diseases and the 8.5 million who work as child slaves, prostitutes, or under other horrific conditions and the 2.3 million who live with HIV add up to 164.8 million needy children. And though at first glance that looks like a big number, 2.1 billion people on this earth proclaim to be Christians. The truth is that if only 8 percent of the Christians would care for one more child, there would not be any statistics left.”

“God reminded me how beautiful we all are to Him, after all, we were created in His own image, and He looks at me, at you, in all our sweat and dirt and brokenness, and says, "I choose you. You are beautiful.”

“Adoption is a beautiful picture of redemption. It is the Gospel in my living room.” 

“I have learned that I will not change the world, Jesus will do that. I can however, change the world for one person. I can change the world for fourteen little girls and for four hundred schoolchildren and for a sick and dying grandmother and for a malnourished, neglected, abused five-year old. And if one persons sees the love of Christ in me, it is worth every minute. In fact, it is worth spending my life for.”

“I am blown away that my God, who could do this all by Himself, would choose to let me be a little part of it.” 

“People from my first home say I'm brave. They tell me I'm strong. They pat me on the back and say, 'Way to go. Good job.' But the truth is, I am not really very brave; I am not really very strong; and I am not doing anything spectacular. I am simply doing what God has called me to do as a person who follows Him. He said to feed His sheep and He said to care for 'the least of these,' so that's what I'm doing, with the help of a lot people who make it possible and in the company of those who make my life worth living” 

Okay, so I could probably pull out a quote from every page that I love, so I'd better stop there.  Visit Katie's website here, where you can learn more about how to get involved in her ministry, AMAZIMA.  Missionaries:  this book will inspire you to diligently speak TRUTH into people's lives everywhere you go and point them toward God.  Moms: this book will inspire you to selflessly love your children in a RADICAL way.  Christians: this book should challenge you to consider how you are denying self and seeking to live like JESUS each day. 

Definitely my fav book of 2012!

Thanks for reading,

-Shelly

Book Review ~ Adopted for Life

This week, I plan on posting a series of book reviews for all the "fun books" I was able to read over Christmas break.  It is now time for my husband and I to begin another semester at our seminary, so I know my time for reading "fun books" will be eliminated for a few months (not that my required seminary reading isn't loads of fun!)  All of the books I got into were excellent, and I hope you'll be able to read a few of them as well.  

ADOPTED FOR LIFE  - By Russell Moore

• I purchased this book on my Kindle when I saw it on sale for $3.99 back in October, and it was the first book I read once classes were out for Christmas break.  It's an excellent piece that gets to the heart of Christian adoption.
• I appreciated Moore's first chapter, "Adoption, Jesus, and You," very much.  He does a great job of showing how adoption is a beautiful picture of the gospel, and he drives home the truth that, as believers, we are all adopted as children of God.
• I also appreciate Moore's personal anecdotes of his own adoption of his two sons.  His stories are humorous, heart-warming, tear-jerking, and honest.  He also tells other humorous tales of rude personal questions, awkward adoption moments, and he and his wife's sad experiences with infertility.
• This book is not really a guide to adoption, but Moore does detail some of the basics of what one can expect when adopting.  He also gives some practical advice for living as a multiracial family, for the church stepping up to support adoption, and for knowing if adoption is right for your family.
• The best thing about this book is that it is really a book about missions. I heart missions!

Some of my favorite quotes:

"Adoption is not just about couples who want children--or who want more children.  Adoption is about an entire culture within our churches, a culture that sees adoption as part of our Great Commission mandate and as a sign of the gospel itself."

"What do we say about ourselves when we know the layout of a house on a television drama better than the layout of our next-door neighbor's home?"

"The protection of children isn't charity.  It isn't part of a political program fitting somewhere between tax cuts and gun rights or between carbon emission caps and a national service corps.  It's spiritual warfare."

"Missionaries often say--and rightly-- that the question one should ask is not whether he is called to missions but how."

"Adoption is evangelistic to the core.  When a Christian family adopts a child, that family is committing to years of gospel proclamation, of seeking to see this child come to faith in Christ."

"Adopted is a past-tense verb, not an adjective."


Katie @ Adopting From Bulgaria also posted a review of this book on her blog last week.  Here's the link to her review.  Plus, she has a pretty cool adoption blog too.  Check it out!

Thanks for reading,

-Shelly

Book Review

Jeremy and I are continuing to pray about and discuss which mission trip we want to take next year.  We are torn between Sudan and Brazil, so stay tuned on that!

It's a great feeling to finally be finishing some of the assigned books for this semester.  This weekend I finished one that I particularly enjoyed, and it has me thinking more about our "mission" while we're here on this Earth.

The True Story of the Whole World by Craig Bartholmew & Michael Goheen

This is an easy read (unlike all the other books we're reading) and walks you through the entire Bible with an emphasis on the "story" aspect of scripture.  It is divided into acts and scenes, which is a neat way to think about our history and future.  

Act 1:  creation

Act 2:  the fall into sin

Act 3:  Israel's story

Act 4: (climax) the story of Jesus

Act 5:  the church's story

Act 6:  the return of the King (redemption)

According to this book, we are currently in Act 5 Scene 2 in which the church is supposed to spreading God's message into all the world.  To me, two things strike me as interesting and unique about the way these authors view the story of the world.  

1.  Kingdom:  These authors truly view God as King and this world a part of His kingdom.  It's true that the thing that Jesus talked about the most was the kingdom of God.  It's interesting that having been a Christian for quite a while now, I don't hear other Christians or even churches talking too much about the Kingdom of God.  God's kingdom is His people, in His land, under His rule.  It is present with us now, but it will not be complete until the King returns.  The kingdom theme colors the entire book.

2.  Salvation/Redemption:  These authors portray salvation and redemption in a very different light than I am used to, but I like it!  Here's one of my favorite quotes from the book about salvation:

Salvation is not an escape from life in creation into "spiritual" existence; it's the restoration of God's rule over all of creation and all of human life.  Christians have also misunderstood salvation as merely the restoration of a personal relationship with God, important as that is.  Salvation goes much further: it restores the whole life of humankind and ultimately of the non-human creation as well to God's original intention in creation.  

This is the kind of salvation that the church is called to share with all the world.  I guess I have always thought of salvation in a personal way....God's saving me from sin, death, hell, etc.  This is true!  But the scope is SO much wider.  When the king finally does return, ALL things will be redeemed and returned to His original intention, wiped clean of sin.  This includes every aspect of our lives.  The final chapter of this book details some examples of how we can find our place and live in His story today while hoping for that future re-creation.

All this relates to our everyday mission to share Christ with the people we interact with and to take His message into the world.  But, this book takes it a step further and says,

It is not enough to just carry out personal evangelism in these areas of our lives.  Our whole lives- the way we live as citizens, consumers, students, husbands, mothers, and friends- witness to the restoring power of God.

I think this part of the book very much relates to one of my favorite verses which I included in the header of this blog: Col 3:17 Whatever you do whether in word or in deed do in the name of the Lord Jesus.  


So, if this sounds interesting to you, read this book!  It's inexpensive and a quick read, but there's a lot packed in there.  It'll challenge you to think in a new way about His-tory.